Juneteenth 2020

I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you God for the breath I entered this day & being with. Thank you to my family, my immediate examples of unconditional love. Thanks to my extended family, my estranged family, my descendants, ancestors, my friends that are family; to you for reading this. I couldn't begin anything without expressing gratitude first.

These days haven't been easy. My mind hasn't had the most linear thoughts. We've gone from one extreme to the next in a matter of three months. Seeing death, life, more death, the fight for life. But, today, I longed to feel enriched, connected, & plugged into the incredible source of strength that I sometimes forget I am linked to. Why is it so hard to forget our greatness & easy to bury inside of self-doubt? Become buried inside of false imagery & prophecy? Sentiments of unworthiness & failure, even? My morning started off shaky for a number of reasons... some that were hard to clearly identify, honestly, but I couldn't allow myself to sink today. I declared that it wasn't an option. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded that I come from too much nobility. Too much perseverance. Too much glow. Everything I observed, read, did, & listened to reminded me of this. I was determined to be intentional. Not just today, but since March, I've been inspired. I've really been inspired all my life... I feel it's just time for me to be honest & to stop being afraid to share this part. My history has seen a long line of unfairness & mistreatment. Abuse, neglect. Discard. But just the same: triumph. Loud, clear, & necessary voices. I've been blessed to encounter storytellers & guides & poets & people who change this world. People who give it to the world. I want to be one of them. I am one of them. The following is a short poem that I have been holding onto because of this "self-doubt." Few people know this side of me. But nah, not today. Even if nobody reads it. I gotta give it to the world. It's not an option. Maybe I'll keep this up. I think I owe it to myself. This is called, Element aka AWFE (s/o to K.Dot). Happy Juneteenth. Celebrate liberation today & everyday, however that looks for you.

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AWFE

(air-water-fire-earth)

they try to define the elements for my people. my eternal, Black, people.

a gasp, a gust, propelling out of my kinfolk's body. the same comes from mine as i am forced to be a witness. as we are forced to be witnesses. everything so fast yet in slow motion. i felt his spirit. they felt mine. i felt hers. i feel theirs.

rivers, streams, flow down faces forming lakes, oceans. the seas of feeling made visible. sometimes of joy, but not this time. my mind is flooded & spilling over.

heat, from everywhere, rises & tips the oceans to a boiling point. steam. hot, burning, steam. our beings are now engulfed in flames of rage. hot enough to melt any sense of rationality & sensibility. because, fuck that.

the thud that hits the ground almost cracks the world open. the horror in what just happened, in what will happen next, overwhelms me. it takes a long time for me to understand this, but just because their physicality, their human vessels, their liveliness, is striped away, their ability to become flowers isn't. their bodies will serve as offerings to nurture the soil & bring about beauty, just as they once did while they were alive. 

heart-wrenching, but never in vain. devastation turned preservation. they try to define the elements for my people. we won't be taken from it.

Thank you.